Okay, something has been on my mind. For a decade now I have been going to the Dunkin Donuts drive through to order my “french vanilla coffee light and sweet”. Let’s face it…No one likes getting out of the car first thing in the morning. For nearly ten years I’ve noticed a lot about Dunkin Donuts’s habits, their price inflation, change of logo campaigns, audacity to print foot-long receipts, aggressive promotion of seasonal products, and to never listen when you say “Can I have one”. If you asked for one of anything it automatically means you just asked for five.
When I was 22 my then boyfriend’s sister informed me that she drank tea and coffee (rarely) and always through a straw. She had an immaculate smile for it, so I figured she was doing something right. From that point on I always drank my coffee with a stirrer, one little red stirrer which functioned as a straw. The funny part was that you could never stop Dunkin Donuts from giving out multiple stirrers. It was like cops giving out traffic tickets or better yet parking tickets. They were unavoidable and would end up all over the car, in your hand bag and if you were lucky they made it into the tight crevice between your seat and the door where you could barely reach. (I don’t recommend letting the same thing happen with parking tickets.) The Dunkin Donut helpers showed no mercy. Even if you did not want a stirrer they would be sneaky and pass your tray of bevs out the window with your change, leaving you with no free hands while automatically shoving a fist of them out the door. Hence you the coffee sipper-rer left on-the-spot and forced to accept them.
So my question today is, has anyone noticed the stirrers have changed? Instead of the old ones that had holes (which I miss dearly) we now have these cross-shaped sticks. You can’t sip through them, and it appears as though they lack in versatility. They are meant for stirring and stirring only. Who was the fool that realized if you removed the hole no one would find a reason to take them anymore? Don’t tell me that anyone actually uses them to stir. We all know they are preferred as a sipping tool, and nothing more.
Now while I’m sure they’re saving thousands of dollars and saving the earth, we need to think about the people. What about all of the irresponsible drivers out there that come up to the drive-through and want to drink (sip) while they drive? Think about all of the potential law suits they may have to face when drivers get burns on their laps! We do not want to see the Liebeck case of 1994 all over again.
With the way Dunkin Donuts measures their milk and sugar ratio to coffee served at 300 degrees celsius, I see a lot of burns and brown teeth in our near future. Here’s to cleaner cars and lack of stirrer infringement…Dunkin Donuts forces us to acclimate to these conditions once more.
They know they’ve got us. After all, “America Runs on Dunkin.”
Until Next Time,